Cheated

I had a near-death experience the other night. Melissa's apartment is on the third floor of the building, overlooking a courtyard with some concrete dividers between the mulch 'gardens' and the grass, and more concrete walkways spiderwebbing throughout. She had just gotten new screens in her dining room windows (three windows wrapping around a corner). We had them open, opting for fresh air instead of running electricity, since the weather has been perfect since she got here. I was walking by her, squeezing between the dining room table and the window when I got bumped (accidentally) into the window. My entire upper body went through, knocking the screen out in the process. Mel managed to grab hold of me just enough so that I could regain my balance in time to watch the screen plummet to the ground and smack the concrete garden divider.

But I got cheated. My life didn't flash before my eyes. I didn't see any lights. I didn't get a flood of happy memories. I just sort of blacked out for a minute. I hear all these wonderful stories of visions before death. I didn't get a single one. It almost makes me want to go out and intentionally defy death again so that I can see what it's all about. Maybe when I go skydiving or something.

Until then, take my advice. Avoid near-death experiences until I can report a little more fully on what they are like. Don't try this at home.